It’s fair to say that hen dos have been getting steadily out of control. In the 1960s and '70s, a favourite hen do activity was to stick rude words over the bride-to-be’s coat and parade her around the local pub. Pretty risqué back then, but we’ve really outdone ourselves since. Last year I had to say no to a weekend in the south of France because I’d already booked a holiday, couldn’t really afford another one and didn’t want to bankrupt myself hanging out with 10 people I barely knew. The year before that, I didn’t want to abseil down a mountain because I’m frightened of heights. Call me selfish. I’m all for a celebration of romance, but do we have to do it quite so violently? Even the low-key dos are rife with jarring penis straws and weird games like 'pin the penis on the stripper' and, let’s be honest, the sight of male genitalia is hardly the scandal it once was.
In years gone by, people would have thrown a 'stag and doe' party which, contrary to what you might think, was a lovely knees-up for both the bride and groom, where they – and all their friends and family – celebrated the coming wedding. It wasn’t an exercise in how far you can take it before everyone starts dropping out, or winds up in A&E. It’s like we’re desperate to outdo the stag dos (which have also spiralled out of control), to prove that we can have fun too, even if that fun involves putting people who don’t know each other into unfamiliar situations. Which can lead to some seriously nightmarish scenarios. So as a word of warning, or just in the name of light entertainment, we’ve rounded up some hen do horror stories which, hopefully, we can all learn from.
And if you’re a maid of honour tasked with the organisation, all I say to you is: Don’t invite a puppy to the party, unless you’re absolutely sure it won’t try to bite the bride’s arm off.
"As the maid of honour, I’d decided to buck the trend and not be a megalomaniac who demands everyone go white-water rafting in the most expensive part of the world. My best friend was getting married and she wanted something calm, chilled out, close to home and with minimal fuss. I nailed it by pulling in a favour with a client (I’m a PR) and getting a retreat for basically next to no money; even better, I arranged for someone to bring their new puppy. The bride-to-be loves puppies. Within two hours of the puppy arriving it had bitten her so hard on the arm that a vein was severed and she spent the entire time in hospital. You could still see the scar three weeks later on her actual wedding day. Worst hen do ever."
"I missed my flight for my best friend’s hen do – they all got on the plane and were spread out so thought I was on the plane, but I wasn’t on the plane. I had fallen asleep in the airport lounge. In my defence, I’d been up all night at my mate’s birthday party and had drunk so much wine I couldn’t possibly quantify it, but I’m aware that’s not a good defence. Oh, and I couldn’t get the next flight because it was a plane to Melbourne that stopped over in Dubai and had cost me £900. So I cried at everyone in the airport to see if they could help me – they couldn’t – then I went home and deleted Instagram off my phone so I wouldn’t see the photos."
"I got invited to a hen do by a work friend, meaning I knew her but literally none of the other members. After playing laser tag and then sitting in a living room watching all of them sing 'their songs' while jumping up and down in a huddle I couldn’t take it anymore, so said I had been called into work. I’m a civil servant so literally nobody knew what that was and couldn’t question it. I went across town to my friend’s birthday and then three hours later, the hen do I had left came into the same bar. It was a small bar. My friend, the bride, just about forgave me but I will never forget the looks on her friends' faces."
"On my hen do, during that classic 'Mr and Mrs' game, where my husband-to-be had to answer the questions and I had to say what I think he’d say, I assumed he would have been really honest, rather than make up sweet lies. When asked what the greatest gift he’d had from me was, I guessed 'Nintendo'; he said 'her love'. There was another horribly awkward point where I ended up basically saying he is really tight, financially. Essentially I ended up looking like a super bitch in front of all my friends."
"We went to a super isolated cottage in the highlands of Scotland but the key hadn’t been left under the pot. And there was no signal. Three of us walked around for ages trying to get signal, while the other three stayed; bear in mind this is November so after three hours it was pitch black and freezing. Everyone is crying. We get through to the owner who just says 'It’s under the pot' again and then the signal goes, so we go back to the cottage (where everyone is huddled under coats and crying) and say we have to walk to the nearest hotel which is a mile away. As we do this, someone kicks another pot and the key is revealed. The remainder of the hen do was not enjoyable."
"I went to a hen do where I knew very few people, but it turns out that one of the friends was the current girlfriend of another friend’s ex. I was so into the way the dumped girl was chilled with it. It was inspiring. Until midnight when she burst into tears, got into a huge fight with the current girlfriend (who was also drunk) and it ended with both of them being carried out of the bar by bouncers."
"The bride doesn’t drink so we’d had a really nice time watching movies, playing games and then had this amazing meal of nachos that we all cooked. Then she agrees to come to the cute little pub down the road for a bit, and it continues to be a nice night. Unfortunately at some point, everyone becomes really drunk. Nobody knows the moment the bride-to-be left to go home, but all we know is a lock-in happens, someone gets off with the manager, all of us are sick in the loos and when I wake up the next day with no real idea of how I got home, the bride-to-be is heartbroken and the rest of the weekend is spent with us all guiltily trying to make it up to her while taking turns to be sick. None of us drank anything at the wedding."
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